Making effective requests of others or ourselves requires clarity and a connection to the feelings and needs that are alive in you and the specific context in which they arose. Brainstorming requests also requires a sense of flexibility or openness to a variety of ways in which your needs could be met. I notice that …
Some children can easily recognise and relate to the feelings of others. For some, this can be really challenging. Even if it’s not a natural strength for your child, there is a lot you can do to coach this skill. Weave into your conversations opportunities to reflect on your child’s and other people’s feelings, including …
When someone is sharing something with you, it’s easy to get caught up in ideas of how you are supposed to listen and respond. For example, if your partner is sharing about a problem at work, you might think to yourself: “Oh, I need to figure this out so I can solve the problem.” Or “I …
If mealtimes are stressful in your household because of repeated power struggles over food, this is an area that’s really worth some effort to resolve. Compliance battles do have to be waged from time to time, but it’s important to do everything in your power to make sure that eating doesn’t become one of them. …
What are you saying when you call someone “needy”? In one of my favorite movies, “What about Bob?”, Bill Murray plays the role of Bob. Bob is obsessed with getting help from his therapist (Richard Dreyfus). There is a scene in which Bob pleads with his therapist: “I need, I need, I need. Give me, …
Paraphrasing – Whenever your partner says something important to you, you then state in your own words what you think your partner has just said and how they may be feeling. You can preface your paraphrase with lead-ins such as “What I hear you saying is that . . . In other words . . …
Mind reading – You are mind reading when you disregard or distrust what the other person is actually saying and instead try to figure out what he or she “really means”. Mind readers give too much importance to subtle cues such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and posture. They ignore the actual content …
Women’s Refuge provides support and information for women dealing with violence in their lives.
